bend & break

felt sad/mad/disillusioned/disheartened… i dont know how to describe it… harsh realities. but we all have to live with it.

dont break rules… maybe we could just bend it a little, but the bending breaks us apart slowly from within.

have i succumbed to the “system”? am i one of them?

just my thoughts… you have your own. live in peace. im happy for you.

versions of truth

everyday, there are conflicts everywhere. it's the reality of life. one aspect that you cannot get out of. how would you know calmness without chaos? light without darkness? life without death?

i have had my share of conflicts within myself. i find myself in the state of confusion every now & then. with so many theories, beliefs, facts, statements, or whatever you call them, i end up ultimately with this question: what is the TRUTH?

an elder once told me, there are 3 sides of every story... your side, my side and the truth. how do we even know what is the TRUTH? your version might be it, so long as you believe it to be so, same with my version. i think truth tends to bend to our beliefs.

i try to keep an open mind most of the time but when emotions take over, it automatically shuts off to/from peculiar territories. i admit that sometimes im guilty of being bias about certain things and consequently clouding my better judgment.

this i've learned... if you find yourself confused, dont go looking for TRUTH, it may get you even more confused and totally lost. instead, ask yourself this - what is the loving thing to do, to say and to be? most of all, there is SOMEONE up there who's looking at you every step of the way... so you better be nice! HIS truth is all that matters. (^_^)

shoulder popping...

i have this weird popping thingy on my right shoulder whenever i move it for months now, sometimes it hurts, but most of the time it's just there, popping. hehe! im not sure if this is due to my badminton playing. it hasnt given me problems anyway but i fear it will sooner or later. i have yet to see a doctor, but i also fear that... i fear that the doctor will advise me to stop playing! waaaah! i dont want that! im not even that great a player, i just need it for exercise.. and besides, that's the only social life i have. harhar!

a $Hi+ty thing happened...

im just re-posting this Nov. 13 blog entry from my other account...

just this morning… amazed by a trivia that a certain superstar owns a 3M pesos worth of bag, my boss is enjoying telling us stories about being rich, being poor. he told us a friend of his owns an expensive Bally bag which he carries around casually, and one day he asked his friend if he is not bothered owning such… this is when my “funny thing” happened.

i began typing a message in YM to my officemate, since i cant say my thoughts out loud in the middle of my boss’ story-telling. “bakit kelangan makunsensya nung friend nya kung may mahal syang bag, pera naman nya yun… bakit sya ba naiisip nya na yung ginagasta nya minsan e hindi nya pera?” (translation: why should his friend be bothered owning an expensive bag, it’s his money anyway…what about him, does he think about it when sometimes he’s spending money which is not his?)

then i saw the recipient’s name — it was sent to my boss!!! @*$#!!! DARN! my fingers were typing so fast that i didn’t notice the recipient’s name. WTF! haha! a sudden chill went thru my spine, i felt my ears got so hot, i got so embarrassed! i quickly followed up the message with an apology (thru YM), i said i was just thinking out loud.

i was kinda hopeful that he was not able to read it, but chances are very slim. he read it for sure and just pretended that he didn’t. he was still talking with me about stuffs here at the office, but to an earshot only. good thing there are cubicles, no need to face each other. i cant stand away from my desk, errr… hiding place, even if i really needed to pee. i waited for him to leave. good thing he has a meeting and wont be back at the office today anymore and next week he will be on field work. i wont have to endure the embarrassment.

instant messaging mishaps… hahahaha! i deleted his name on my YM list to avoid future mishaps like what just happened. (^_^)

a random quote

"I'd rather be a COULD-BE if I cannot be an ARE because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a HAS-BEEN than a MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN, for a might have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are." - Milton Berle

...i have so many might-have-beens in mind. i'll get to them soon, hope time wont run out on me. if i cant get to them, then maybe it's not my fate to be so.

has-beens? yep, i have lots of them too, i just dont dwell thinking about it too much, but i definitely learned a lot from them.

im still trying to keep my sails afloat amidst storms and the tidal waves. sometimes i just go with the flow, let the waves take me where it goes. i still hold on to the steering wheel, but only God knows the path He has planned out for me.

so, what am i saying? wala lang... hehehe! BE HAPPY! BE USEFUL! BE GRATEFUL!

*hugz* for everyone...

i deserve better...move on!

for the longest time, i've dated again... and it was good at first, then it turned out bad. blame it on my naivete. i've been out of this kinda thing. i usually just hang out with friends, no emotions involved, just pure hangout time.

the guy was ok, he's a gentleman, he's sweet (or at least that's what he let me think he is err was.. i dunno). after the so-called date, he just disappeared, no word at all. what the heck is that? maybe bcoz he didnt get what he wanted.

was i emotionally attached? not so much, it was just a thing that i would like myself to learn to develop, fortunately i didnt. how can someone say sweet things without meaning it? i know i cant, im not like that. i want to be honest as much as i can, more so to myself.

how do i feel now? hmmm... let's just say im kinda puzzled...wondering...maybe i was just in love with the idea of being in love but not really into it. coz i know how it felt before, and this was nothing like that at all.

i know i deserve better... short story ended just like that.. pffft...got to move on! hehe! �

my fave lines from Chances Are of Side A

"It's gonna take some time I know
For what you feel inside to grow
But if to love you has to wait a while, I'll do it
Coz chances are you'll be mine...

Chances are, you're gonna change your mind
Chances are, you're gonna love me too
Chances are, you'll see..."

just some random thoughts...

yesterday, while i was encoding a survey form (a side-line job, thanks to friends), i just came to a thought, a question without an answer: how come there's poverty?richness? i know i will never get an answer to this question, nor can i do something about it. has it something to do with luck? with chance? with destiny? are we all fated to whatever we've become?

another realization... i somehow understood why people (in our workplace especially) refused to learn new things, to develop new skills, to just play dumb (in some cases, they really are). this is just an observation, i have not done an experiment on it myself yet, but I will soon (the playing dumb part. hahaha!) When u try to help someone once, they will always come back to you and it’s as if it is your obligation to help them. When you ask some people from the higher-ups for a simple clarification on some protocols (which they “say” exists) and get an answer like this, “Ah ganun ba? Hindi ko alam ang mga yan e” (trans: Is that so? I don’t know about those things?” – what the hell is that?!?! Aren’t they suppose to know those “management” stuff? Ask them for guidelines, they can’t give you anything, they will just tell you to do it anyway (even if it’s doomed to fail from the start). Obey first before you complain. Trial and Error. this is the REALITY in the corporate world. Best of luck to all of us middle-class workers. Hahaha!

one more thought... i'm so used to being alone that i think i'm afraid of being in a relationship. i don't know how to be, i don't know if i'll ever be.

sample of reports that i write...

i just wanted to post some reports that i did for the office... i got some data and other info from the monthly reports sent by our field personnel... i find it hard to write something which i wasn't able to experience and see, but somehow i got to finish writing them, maybe that's what they call "talent". hahahaha! talk about being confident errr... over-confident! here are two samples:

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Sibutad Project
Environmental Management and Community Relations Annual Report

For the year 2008, PGPI-Sibutad Project continued its Care and Maintenance Program (CMP) through upland reforestation and the rehabilitation of other mine affected areas, desilting of silt ponds, and other environmental protection, enhancement and monitoring measures in the mine site and the neighboring barangays.

A total of 1,005 seedlings of auri, narra, and fruit trees were planted in an area of 3.73 hectares for the year. To date, the company has planted a total of 397,949 seedlings of different variety within an area of 135.97 hectares. For its reforestation efforts, PGPI-Sibutad had won as 3rd runner-up in the Adopt-a-Mining Forest Program initiated by DENR-MGB for the year 2008.

For Environmental Programs alone, PGPI-Sibutad had spent Seven Hundred Ninety Two Thousand One Hundred Thirty pesos (Php 792,130.00) this year.

The Company has also been attracting many visitors in the mine site since its improvement into an Eco-tourism park wherein: a view deck was constructed in Main Lalab overlooking the scenic Murcelliagos Bay and the surrounding mountains of Sibutad & Rizal; a hiking / biking trail was developed for the visitors to better appreciate the surroundings; an experimental tilapia culture was developed in East silt pond A; and a mini zoo was constructed where parakeets, a civet, a python and horses are on display for viewing. Visitors can avail of free horseback riding while enjoying the reforested mine site.

The Company actively involves itself in various community activities as part of its Social Development Management Program. Assistance is being provided by the Company in the form of materials counterpart or donations to local community projects, church activities as well as for the improvement of schools’ facilities and structures in the host and neighboring communities. One of the major accomplishments for this year is the rehabilitation of the Calube-Minlasag road which made transport easier for the people and the trading of their goods to and from Dipolog City.

Continuous Information, Education and Communication (IEC) campaign program is being done alongside the exploration activities in the area. Courtesy calls and presentation of Exploration Work Program for the local government units of the municipalities of Sibutad and Rizal in Zamboanga Del Norte, and the local government unit of Dapitan City were conducted as part of the company’s IEC. Sit-ins during regular barangay sessions were also done for a more open communication with the local leaders. Dialogues with landowners whose properties will be affected by exploration activities are also still being carried out before the entry of Exploration group in an area.

Overall, Three Hundred Eighty Nine Thousand Two Hundred Thirty Seven pesos (Php 389,237.00) was spent for the implementation of PGPI-Sibutad’s Community Development projects for 2008.

By: LC Bartolome

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BULAWAN: Environmental Management and Community Development

With the active exploration activities at Sipalay and Hinobaan in Negros Occidental, environmental protection, mitigating measures and enhancement still continues to be of utmost importance to the Company. Several environmental management and community development programs have been implemented for the host and neighboring communities to pursue the Company’s commitment to social and environmental responsibility.

Environmental Management
For 2008, PGPI-Bulawan had established an additional Nine (9) hectares of plantation areas for jatropha and acacia mangium. Twenty Five Thousand (25,000) seedlings produced from the in-house nursery have been planted over this expansive area. To date, Four Hundred Forty Two (442) hectares within and around the mine site have been reforested by the Company with a survival rate of 92%. Effort such as this had been the basis for PGPI-Bulawan to be conferred 2nd Runner-up award and a Special Award by the Mines and Geosciences Bureau during the Adopt-a-Mining Forest competition for 2008.

During the celebration of the Environmental Week on June 2008, three thousand (3,000) seedlings of mahogany and mangium were donated to the Sipalay City Local Government Unit in support for their yearly Tree-planting program. A joint tree-planting activity with the Department of Environment and Natural Resources Region VI (DENR- RVI), Negros State College of Agriculture (NESCA), Sipalay City LGU and PGPI-Bulawan was conducted during the celebration.

Reforestation project expenses for 2008 amounted to Five Hundred Twenty Thousand Eight Hundred Fifteen pesos (Php 520,815.00).

Aside from the reforestation program, progressive rehabilitation of exploration disturbed areas is being done. Nine Thousand One Hundred Ten (9,110) square meters of said areas have been rehabilitated by establishment of vegetative erosion control. One Hundred Twenty (120) silt traps and numerous silt trap embankments have also been constructed as preventive measures during mobilization of drilling rigs and drilling activities. Desilting of these traps as well as repairs (if necessary) are being conducted regularly. A total of Php 7.69 Million had already been spent for exploration-related rehabilitation this year.

Maintenance of facilities for environmental management program under the PGPI-Bulawan Care and Maintenance includes: regular monitoring of tailing ponds, existing silt ponds, spillways and canals within the mine site. Regular repairs and maintenance of existing access roads within the mine industrial areas is also being done.

To ensure compliance to environmental laws, inspection and evaluation is regularly being done by the Multi-Partite Monitoring Team in the active and post-drilling areas as well as in the mine industrial areas, including those under the PGPI-Bulawan Care and Maintenance.


Community Development

Medical & Dental Mission
Through a multi-sectoral collaboration between the Company, private sectors and the Municipal and Barangay local government units, a Medical and Dental Mission was successfully conducted last July 2008. The activity benefited a total of Two thousand One Hundred Sixty-Five (2,165) patients from the three host barangays (Barangays Nabulao, Bacuyangan and Talacagay). One Thousand Seven Hundred Fifty-seven (1,757) of the patients availed of the medical consultation while Four Hundred Eight (408) went through dental operations, particularly tooth extraction. The patient beneficiaries who were composed mostly of children & elders were likewise able to take advantage of the free medicines provided by the Company through donations from other agencies. Aside from the medical and dental mission, the Company also conducted a series of supplementary vitamin-feeding program to One Hundred Forty (140) students of Three (3) Elementary Schools located in the host communities as well. The vitamins were also part of the medicines solicited from the pharmaceutical companies.

The free medicines provided to the patient beneficiaries were acquired through Philex’s partnership with the Philippine Business for Social Progress (PBSP) and various pharmaceutical companies namely United Laboratories, Inc., Pascual Laboratories, Inc., and Mercury Drug. The implementation proper of the activity was conducted in coordination with the Barangay Officials’ of the target host communities together with the Municipal and City Local Government Units who also provided the necessary medical and dental personnel.

Information, Education and Communication
Continuous Information, Education and Communication (IEC) program even during the early stages of exploration is being conducted for the concerned communities to provide people apt information about the Company and its activities in the area. Activities in the IEC program include: community immersions, focused group discussions, house-to-house visits, formal / informal meetings with local organizations, consultations as well as sit-ins during municipal and barangay regular sessions and participation to the weekly local radio program “Radyo Natin Hinobaan”. These activities are able to provide the Company the channels for clarification of issues and concerns regarding mining and in addressing them.

Infrastructure Support
In terms of infrastructure support, PGPI-Bulawan has been actively participating in projects for community infrastructure improvements through counterparting scheme with the community and the local government units (LGUs). The Company provides assistance in the form of construction materials while the LGUs and the community provide for the labor and implementation aspect of the project(s). This scheme enables both the Company and the community to have a sense of responsibility and ownership over the projects that they want to be implemented. Some of the infrastructure projects implemented for the year are as follows:

- Repair of drainage canal at Sitio village in Nabulao, Sipalay City
- Construction of Binucauan spillway at Brgy. Manlucahoc, Sipalay City
- Construction of water intake box and improvement of water system in Skid 4 and Skid 8 at Sitio Vista Alegre which benefited 14 families in the area including Vista Alegre Elementary School
- Renovation of weighing post / Multipurpose building in Sitio Vista Alegre
- Rehabilitation of access road from Sangke to Hinobaan
- Construction of Teachers Cottage at Vista Alegre Elementary School
- Repair and repainting of classrooms at Bonifacio Elementary School

Overall, the infrastructure support provided by the Company for this year amounted to Php 665,650.00.

Livelihood Assistance
The Company aims to enhance the skills and capability of local community groups by organizing and/or strengthening them through trainings/seminars and technical and management assistance.

The Company assisted in formalizing the Bato Small Farmers Association (BSFA) and the Vista Alegre Women’s’ Association (VAWA) through the Election of Officers and formulation of their Constitution and Bylaws. Orientation on Leadership skills and Basic Bookkeeping were also conducted for these two groups to equip them with appropriate management of their association and their finances.

The vegetable growers from Sitio Bato, Sito Skid 6, Sitio Skid 8, Sitio Skid 2 were also organized by the Company through family approach strategy wherein interested families from these areas were provided with vegetable seeds as initial input for them to grow vegetables to start a small business. These families are now starting to harvest what they planted, which serve as food on their table and provide additional income for their families as well. They are also able to gather seeds for the next planting season. Capability seminar on vegetable gardening and organic farming technology were conducted for them as well.

Education Assistance
PGPI-Bulawan adopted two (2) schools in support for the Feeding program of the Sipalay City LGU namely, Vista Alegre Elementary School and Bonifacio Elementary School. The Company committed to sponsor the program through financial assistance of Seven Thousand pesos (Php 7,000.00) while the schools and the parents provided for the manpower during the feeding activity, from food preparation to distribution. Combined total of pupil beneficiaries is Three Hundred Eighty Nine (389). This activity is aimed at motivating the parents to send their children to school and to be partners of the Company and the schools in the realizing that education is very essential for every child.

Sports Development & other Community Assistance
The Company actively provided financial assistance or material donations for sports competitions during Fiesta Celebrations to the five (5) host Barangays namely: Bacuyangan, Talacagay, Nabulao, Manlucahoc and San Camindanagan. The same was also extended to the host municipalities of Sipalay and Hinobaan. Other solicitations from various institutions like the academe, religious sector, local groups and other government agencies were also considered and given appropriate support. Overall amount spent by the Company in supporting these various sports and community affairs amounted to Php 219,360.

by LC Bartolome
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live with it!

Everyday, when I pray to God, I tell him "Thy will be done unto me"... but sometimes, i cant help but ask WHY things happen to my life that way. I often tell myself to "Let Go, Let God", but there's this constant aching feeling in me that I cant get away from, that i cant get rid of. (hindi kaya bi-polar ako? wehehehe!)

Siguro meron talagang mga tao na pinanganak na medyo may kamalasan... I hate to think I'm one of those people but it seems like it, I just have to LIVE WITH IT albeit all the tears and the heartaches.

A while ago, hindi ko napigilan, medyo tumulo na yung luha ko sa harap nitong ofcmate ko, nagdahilan na lang ako na may masakit kasi sa balikat ko. (story behind ng pag-patak ng luha ko: someone got irked at me because I cant find a file that he/she thought he/she gave me. I cant remember receiving such. how was i to monitor every document that's been coming & going here. there's no point in making an argument & defending myself, so i kept my lips bitten. i just have to figure out for myself to find that file, i asked for help, but then again you cant expect any from people you thought would help you at your time of need. their offer to help would come in late most of the time, im used to it. true enough, it's not with me, someone else has it.)

kaasar... tama ba naman na etong kanta sa pc ko at this very moment e "A Place in This World"? ayan, on the verge of crying na naman tuloy ako. pwede bang sabihin ko lang ngayon ito, pagbigyan nyo lang ako ha.. "I hate myself and I want to DIE!" mwahahaha!

nagtanggal-stress lang ako... bukas, ano naman kaya mood ko? Ü

Time, Choice and Acceptance

Every now and then, you may have read from my posts about my "quest", my searching for answers, directions, etc... that I may be getting nowhere, that life has not been that much good for me. Well, enough of that.

I heard from an elder that two of the most important things that God has given us are TIME and CHOICE. I pondered on this thought for a while and made me realize that we should really value the time given to us. Time is on our hands, choice is ours. What we do with our life, with our time here on earth is our choice. We humans have been given this gift – the freedom to decide, to learn from our decisions.

I have often thought that my life has not been put into good use, that I’m just living a mediocre life… I may have thought wrong. My existence, even if I’m just a morsel of dust compared to the universe, has its purpose. My life isn’t mine alone, I live because God had planned for me to be of help to others, to my family most especially. I don’t have the genius to invent something extraordinary for the benefit of mankind, nor the artistic talent to show & share to the world. I’m just me. The imperfect “me” struggles to keep still from the harsh blows of the winds and changing tides.

I'm now ready to accept my fate, I understand better now.