a week of late night-outs...

i forgot to get back on my previous journal entry. i moved on i guess. it's useless to whine over it, just a waste of time & energy. Ü

the past week had been tiring for me. i've been going home late. the only day i went home a little early was on thursday, no activity invites for that night. Monday - went window shopping in ShangriLa mall, got home around 930pm. Tuesday - went out to see Flightplan with a friend, had dinner & nightcap in Glorietta, got home at 11pm. Wednesday - played badminton at Metro, had dinner with the same friend i was with last tuesday (this friend was avoiding someone & luckily i was available to hang out with her, else she would have spent tuesday & wednesday nights in total awkwardness). i got home that night around 1130 pm. Thursday - i was getting to be a bit worried that my dad might get mad at me for coming home late the past days, so i went home earlier. Friday - i had 2 gimiks for this day. it was planned the week before that my officemates & i will watch a movie, but the movie we all wanted to see isn't going to be shown yet, we ended up having dinner at Shang. my bad_ass sister texted me that there would be a surprise bday party for another friend, which will start at 11pm. i got home 3 am. i have informed my dad about all these gimiks, but not on the details of course. still, as a parent i guess, he was kinda irritated at me but he never said a word. Saturday - i knew my dad was ok with me now bcoz he asked if i will be going out that night. it was Harry Potter night for my friends & i. did some shopping, watched HP4, had dinner & got home 1030pm. Sunday - just chilled out at home. time to do some good deeds to make up for my late nightouts. hehe!

maybe my late nightouts would be considered by some (specially the party-going kind) as mild. for someone young... err... old as me (hehe!), i know i shouldn't be feeling guilty, but being not so used to such, i do sometimes. mabait akong anak e! harhar! Ü

feeling better (or bitter???)

November 11... just when i thought i was feeling better after the past 2 days of being in a gloomy mood, here comes another bad news. i became a victim of workplace politics!

a little rewind...there was a job opening in a certain department in our office. i thought it was my chance to at least somehow start a change in my career so i submitted a letter of intent before October, they said they needed to fill in the position urgently and that internal hiring would be prioritized. i was interviewed by the asst. manager, i took an exam and was told both were ok. i even got a very good recommendation from the asst. manager, but the final decision is up to their department manager.

it's been almost a month that i've waited. news came to me this afternoon that they wanted to see other applicants, with or without experience, even fresh graduates. my application was kept hanging all this time!!! i have my suspicions but i wont bother confirming them, it's useless.

i've had my hopes up but i kinda expected that they would turn down my application. But reality can hit you hard sometimes! and it did for me! after holding back myself from crying the past 2 days, i finally gave in and cried. i thought this week would end without me crying over something i feel bad about, i was very wrong. i was not as strong as i think. good thing i was alone in our office room when i cried, otherwise people might think im going crazy as they dont have any idea what's going on. i have not told anyone about this bad news yet.

at least, today, i feel a little better... unlike yesterday. a dark cloud seem to have gotten over me the past 2 days. i found myself staring blankly at the air. i looked funny that way, as my friend told me. complicated situations...family matters. saka na yung details.

non-sense stuff

dark thoughts... tearless cries... noiseless shouts... i feel so tired!!! i badly needed a hug!

burger! yummy!

i seem to have forgotten what a burger tastes like. i only got to eat burger yesterday after a very very long while, can't remember when was the last time, and I was satisfied with what i bought for dinner from Tender Bob's Express at G4 food court. for P105, i got the quarter pound burger, a side dish of crispy potato skin & large soda. i thought i would not be able to finish it off, but i did. hehe! i did semi-fasting on the earlier part of the day (actually, im trying to go on diet!), but it just made me so hungry. not an effective technique i guess. =)

Getting by with a little help from my friends...

In my so-called social life of playing badminton, I have gained several friends. It’s been almost 2 years since we got together for just merely playing. I never imagined that some of those people I’ve met playing badminton would become my friends. Before, we would meet up and hold weekly EBs to have the kicks out of playing...the adrenaline rush, losing few pounds, and releasing exasperation. After a while, we became so caught up with our busy lives and the weekly games waned. But the friendship is still there, at least for me I think it is.

Gilligan’s Bar, 11pm, October 28 ’05, in the company of my badminton friends: stories...stories...life would be so boring without it. The most interesting stories come from true-to-life experiences. Every once in a while, when I go out with friends to chill out & unwind, we always learn something new about each other through the stories we share. Some make us shed few tears, some make us laugh our hearts out, and some are too memorable that leave us with smiles on our faces, knowing that after sharing it with our trusted friends, we won't be judged. And by that, I know I’ll get by...thanks to you my friends!

better than i

last saturday, i came across a disney cartoon on the idiot box, Joseph the King of Dreams. although it's just a re-telling of an old story from the Bible, the story itself makes me ponder upon how i live my life...how to forgive those who have hurt me...how to deal with adversities in my life.

a song in the movie caught my attention, "better than i". i listened very carefully to its lyrics, it conveyed a meaningful message for me. i looked up for the song on the internet, got an MP3 copy, cant find the lyrics though. guess i will have to listen to it over & over again to get it. i will post it here soon...

after spending some ten minutes listening to the song and writing down the lyrics line by line, here it is. by the way, i think I'd like this to be included in the list of songs I want to be played during my internment. (morbid thoughts...harhar!)

BETTER THAN I

I thought I did what’s right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I’ve put up a fight
I told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I’d let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
This part of getting through

I tried to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’d let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird I thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me
Will you teach me?

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’d let go the need to know why
I’ll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

yet another day in my badminton life...

one of the highlights in my so-called social life is playing badminton. last sunday, we played on a dual meet with players from laguna. damn they were good! fortunately, our team won for our level (class C). i played for ladies doubles this time. i was not expecting to win, but hoping for it against all odss. hehe! ventilation was bad...really bad! we were like burning in hell! and playing on a rubber-painted cement court did not do any good for my knees either. felt like collapsing on the middle of the game, but my partner shie & i managed to finish it. we played 3 games (6 sets), won 3 sets. our team mates did well too. overall, just for our level that is, we scored better than our opponents using the vander format system. (merely by one point! haha!whew!)

bad_ass sisters!!! just fooling around (shie, teq & love)

dont judge me, im not a book! :D

Im starting to question myself about that job opening I mentioned on my blog last month. Do I really want it or I just wanted to get out of my current rut? I think it’s gonna be a difficult work in that department. not the work itself, but the people & their so-called "opinionated" (read: gossip-monger) minds. harhar! Some people don’t like me to be there, this i have to say, "the feeling is mutual!" they wanted somebody else. they dont even know me personally nor how i do my work. but they have judged me, that's alright i guess.

I wouldn’t want to insist my application for that position if somebody who needs that job badly really deserves it. Oh well, let see later.

on catching up & gay relationships

28 years...that's how old i am this year. since my birthday 2 weeks ago, i have been catching up with some friends. meet them over dinner, a movie or a cup of coffee. last wednesday, i met up with my high school best friend. i think it's been 2 years since we last met. we've talked about other friends, how they've been. seems like most of them have their own family now, with kids & all. some of them are separated already, some have taken a different path (having same-sex relationships). those stuffs made me realize i'm quite happy being single and enjoying life as it is. im not judging them, maybe they were (still are) happy with the way things turned out for them.

friday came, i met up with a college friend. we watched a (boring) movie. we just made the most of it by criticizing its storyline, the cinematography, the actors and how their make-up artists toyed with their faces (the actors looked like they were made up for a wake! harhar!). we were giggling as we watched the movie. i was also listening to a couple beside me who seems like they were having their first date. they were telling each other stories about themselves. i was tempted to tell them off and get a better place to have their conversations. maybe they were not there for the movie, they were there for making out! and what a location, they were seated in the aisle where everyone else could easily view what they were doing! geez! after some time, i got to tolerate the nuisance happening beside me and just concentrated on watching the movie. but not after i told my friend what was happening on the other side of my seat. hehe! after the movie, we had coffee, we boywatched over at the coffeeshop. but the boywatching turned out to be gay-watching! hahaha! there are so many of them, like a virus spreading so rampantly! some of them were dead-gorgeous, so manly but were holding hands with another guy. others were dressed like girls, and believe me, they are prettier than actual girls. no wonder male foreigners would drop their knees to have a date with them never realizing they are of the same sex. =)

changing lanes...

spent the weekend thinking on how to tell my boss i want to transfer to another department. actually, i've been harboring plans of changing my career path for quite some time now (3 years, i think and i think im stuck in a rut for 7 years now! whew!). i just haven't found any new job yet.

news came last week about a job opening, same office, different department, but i never gave it much thought. but what the heck, i told my immediate superior about it & submitted a letter of application. this might be the answer to my prayer, a way to start...changing my life, career life specifically.

im just being practical. it's been very difficult applying for a job with the current line of work i am in. unless i earn a master's degree and a vast experience on this, i can apply & demand for a better job & salary outside. i think if i can shift to another career, i have better chances landing on a better job. i just pray & hope for it.

rainy days...

my journal entry from my other blog... august of last year...same kind of rainy days i guess, like this year.

when it rains, it pours...life can be so funny sometimes? i guess my life & the weather has been in tuned with each other this past week. problems everywhere...they can't seem to get enough of me! i read a quote from somewhere, and it goes like "if you reach the end of the rope, tie a knot." rationalizing that thought in my mind, i asked myself, "can't i just let go?" =(

pucca doll...

this cartoon character, they say, looks like me...hehe!

a note from my past...

this is an entry from my other blog. i just thought i'd post it here...

last week, i found something i wrote on a post-it note from way back, forgot when exactly. i got this from a book i've read (i think?). it's kinda "heavy"... drama to death yata ako nung time na sinulat ko eto, naka-relate kasi ako agad. hehe!anyways, here it goes: "I think it was the first real pain I've ever felt in my life. It wasn't what i thought it would be at all. It didn't put an end to me as a person. I think it gave me a basis for comparison...finding out you could still exist inside the pain...despite the pain."

o di ba? hahaha! ma-drama, pero maganda.

am i sick

im not bulimic...but i sometimes have episodes of this kind of disorder. not that i feel guilty eating, it's just that i dont feel good, i get dizzy after eating. my body system can't take it i guess. i force myself to vomit because of that.

at times, after eating and then nervousness/stress of any kind comes, i tend to vomit. it's like i feel i am cleansing myself that way, releasing the stress out of myself. i think my condition isn't at all healthy, but neither do i think that im head-sick. anyways, as for the rest of the days..im quite normal. =)

lemons...

they say when life gives u lemons, then make lemonades! harhar! i think i may have been given lots & lots of lemons in my life, although i may have not turned them all into lemonades. cried myself to sleep the past few nights... seems i'm on the verge of giving up. (am i a LOSER? hate the thought of it!)

naah, maybe i ought not to give up... maybe next time. hahaha!